Super most huge day ever!

So today, I went to the Wine and Cheese Party twice and I also played in a fenced yard with my grandma's dogs and the neighbor dog, Moose, because my grandma and grandpa were taking care of him because his family was out of town.
Moose is a huge dog and when he drinks water, he bites it and he drools in the bowl and he puts his toys in it before he drinks. So I drank a lot of Moose drool today which is funny because Moose Drool is also a beer and I really like beer but I only get to taste it sometimes. And my mom was really proud of me because I played with the other dogs pretty well and she said it was the first time she has ever seen me act like a dog because I'm usually kind of a loner and only like my mom and dad. And now I am sooo tired from the day and I had great conversations at the party and it was super fun.
So here is a picture of me at the Wine and Cheese Party.


And this is a picture of my grandma's dog Pearl (I guess she's my Auntie dog!) and me playing and my dad is rubbing my belly which I love.


And this is a picture of Moose who is the drooliest dog in the whole world!


And this is a picture of how happy I was today.

To the park.

So today, we went to the park with my mom's friend Jen and her two little humans named Eleanor and Charlie and we also went with their dog Leo who is half basset hound and half lab. And sometimes, well most of the time, when I meet new dogs, I don't like them and Leo was no different. Even though he was nice to me I snapped at him a couple of times and I don't know what's wrong with me and I eventually learned to ignore him which was better than snapping. Oh, and he had to pee on everything I peed on. And he did the coolest thing on the way back to their house - he drank a bunch of water and then barfed on the sidewalk - it was a tidal wave of goldfish crackers and water and was totally awesome and my mom couldn't stop laughing and Jen was like 'oh no, what do I do' so we just kept walking. So I guess Leo's ok.

And this is a picture of Leo.


And this is a picture of me because it's my blog, not Leo's.

The devil lives in Duncan.

So let me tell you all a little about Duncan because he's not nearly as cool as he thinks he is. My dad named him Duncan because it means 'black warrior' but he's really a 'black annoyier.' He's the lickiest cat in the world and he licks your legs and when I'm eating something really good like licking a yogurt cup, he will lick my face while I do it - hence the annoying part. And he's super weird because he likes to be picked up by the base of his tail - and my mom and dad would never do anything mean so he truly likes it and he gets dingle berries stuck to his foofy butt which my mom hates and I like.
And another thing - he hasn't had balls since he was 8 weeks old so he screams like a girl - a total girl - like a castrato, one of those Spanish opera singers (my mom just told me about that one, good dig, mom!) I had my balls since last summer so I am totally testosteroned out and big and tough and guyish.
And Duncan is always jumping on things where he doesn't belong like on the kitchen bar where my mom and dad eat and he likes to sit on my mom's art deco lamps which really makes her mad because she has been collecting them for a long time and if he knocks them over she will freak out.
And the worst thing about Duncan - he loves to eat human boogers! My mom won't let me tell you how that discovery was made, but it's waaaaaaaaaaay gross so you can't ever pick your nose around Duncan!
And for the record, I don't dress in drag, it's just that I am a really hard sleeper and Duncan thinks he lives in a frat house so he dressed me up and tried to make me pee by putting my foot in a bowl of warm water but it didn't work because I am way too cool for a trick like that. That flowered harness was Meg's and I guess I do have to wear it twice a week when my grandma comes over to let me out because it's scary when she reaches for my head to get my collar because only my mom and dad can reach for my head because people used to be really mean to my head before. But I think of the flowered harness as more of a Hawaiian shirt which guys can wear and really it just exhibits my metrosexuality because I am very advanced.

And this is a non-Photoshopped picture of me looking very handsome.

I interrupt this boring blog ...

Ike's sleepin. I've secretly been reeding the blog and envee... enver... like really wantin to be like Tanner for taking over Joe's blog. Let me tel you what Ike is reely like. All he does is sleep - like all the time. And you all think his tonge is cool and its not - its grose with cat hare all over it and it sticks to every thing. He farts all the time under the covers and makes me barf. He also ataks me and snorts at me when he plays 'get the Duncan' and I let him win because I dont want him to feal bad. He has reely nerdy outfits too and he loves to dress like a girl. You are dateing a girl, Martha.
Hes also not hansome at all. My mom uses photoshop on him. And hes afraid to be alone like a litle girl.
Let me tell you somthin about me - I am like a total ninja. I am black and stelthy and atak every one while they are in the bath room. Beware if you are in the showr. Attak time! On the toilet. Attak time!
I am also half snake because I can lik like a snake. Beware of the snake liks!

Ike didnt even reelize I took this picture while he was in drag - he was already dresed like that and I didnt put his foot in warm water eether.


Here I am using my ninja skils and Ike doesnt even no I'm there.


More ninja skils.
This picture is prety grafic. This is the death screem while I strike from the skye like lightnin - keeeeeyai!


Oh crap, he's waking up - Duncan ... out!

Prison break.

Ok, so I did something really bad and stupid today and now I have a big ouchie spot and my mom is frustrated and doesn't know what to do.
You see, I don't like being confined because I was confined all the time at the puppy factory so I get really scared and I shake and I hate it. So my mom started gating me in the kitchen so I would have more room but last week, I realized that if I try really hard, I can push out the gate. In trying really hard, I got bruises on my knees and chin. And when my mom came home today, she found me on the couch again - a guy needs to sleep after a prison break, right - and my left knee was skinned and my chin was more bruised and I hurt a toenail so my mom had to fix me up. And now she doesn't know where to keep me - should she try to let me stay in the living room and just block off the kitty roca box or does she start to kennel me again - so she wants your advice because she knows what I think.
So these are pics of my ouchie knee and Band-aids are really annoying.




And this is a picture of my dad comforting me and he's really good at it.




Oh, and this is really important news - I am the photo of the week on littlebeasts.com so go make a caption.

And also, on a sadder note - my kisses go out the the victims and their families from the Virginia Tech tragedy.

75 degrees!

So it's 75 degrees outside which means sunbathing and panting and long walkies and peeing on everything and scratching huge chunks of grass out of the ground and smelling stuff and pooping without getting cold and squirrels and rabbits and flowers .... YES!!!!

And this is a picture of my mom letting me have the chair all to myself which was only for the picture and then I had to lay on her which I like anyway because she's softer than the cheap chair.


And I'm just looking handsome here.

And this is a picture of how happy I am to be outside with my mom - notice how tough I look in the skull and crossbones bandana.


And this is a picture of these really gross swarming ants that my mom said were going to make her puke but I thought were cool and I thought she should help me add to the blog because dogs like swarming ants as long as they aren't fire ants because they bite.

Super treat extravaganza!

So my mom bought this treat sample pack like Suki's mom did from Full Petential and I got a super sample pack too and I just ate this thing called a Deli Twist and it has pork on the inside and rawhide on the outside which I tried to swallow without chewing it off and my dad had to save me again because I love to swallow rawhide.
And I can't wait to try the other stuff but my mean mom says "not today" because she's all worried about diarrhea in bed because I also got a lot of chicken today too - what kind of baby can't handle a little diarrhea in bed?
This is a picture of some of the stuff me and the kitties got - my mom opened two things before she took the picture because she has no patience.


And these are a bunch of pictures of me eating my new Deli Twist and I made my mom post a bunch of pictures because I want you to understand how good it was and I kind of want to make you guys jealous because I'm a dog and dogs are like that.

Can't stop yawning.

So this is what is going on outside which I hate.


And I'm spending another day on the couch, and I can't stop yawning because I've been waiting for spring forever and it's not coming and I'm so bored I don't know what to do and my mom can't stop cleaning because she can't think of anything else to do and I hate this.
Here are some pictures of my yawn-a-thon.

Ikencookie.

So on Easter, my dad made a cookie that looked just like me with my tongue and everything except it wasn't regular me, it was bunny me.

And I would talk a lot more, but I'm depressed because it's snowing again.

Happy Easter.

So tomorrow is Easter and we're having Mexican food at my grandma's house which is kind of weird, but I really like chips.
I hope everyone has a great Easter or is having a great Passover eating all that crispy bread which would probably be my favorite if I was Jewish but I really like hardboiled eggs which I've been eating today so I guess I'm agnostic.

It came, it came!

So I got my first ever piece of mail yesterday and it was my Fetching Tag which is the coolest thing ever because you all voted for my tagline and I look really handsome wearing it and mom took off my rabies tag because it detracted from my Fetching Tag's beauty and I was like "should you really do that" and she was like "whatever."

So here's a picture of me holding handsome for ransom.

But I also have some really bad news ... yesterday, it snowed - yep, it even snows in April in this hell hole and I am trying to convince my mom and dad to move and they are planning on it, but not just yet. And also, Atticus left today, so no more treat dispenser.

Playing poker and eating a lot of treats.

So I am so sorry I haven't posted in forever because we have been really busy hanging out at my uncle Ansel and aunt Kathryn's house and eating and playing poker and I'm starting to understand what you all like about babies. Atticus loves to give me food which I love and he's a baby so he's always eating and it's the best and he's learning to pet me nice which I don't really like but I tolerate it because he is a treat dispenser. And he wears this bib with a pocket in the bottom that they call a trough and he keeps food in there and gives it to me.
And my mom and dad have been off work more than usual so they are spending a lot of time with me and I have been going almost everywhere with them so I guess you can understand why I haven't posted.

Here is a picture my uncle Ansel and Zoe going "all in."

And here's a picture of my sweet hand.


And here's a picture of me really late after way too many beers - ok, toilet water.


And this is a picture of how much my mom loves me.

And here's a picture of me and Atty getting along really well.