Monday, April 23, 2007

The devil lives in Duncan.

So let me tell you all a little about Duncan because he's not nearly as cool as he thinks he is. My dad named him Duncan because it means 'black warrior' but he's really a 'black annoyier.' He's the lickiest cat in the world and he licks your legs and when I'm eating something really good like licking a yogurt cup, he will lick my face while I do it - hence the annoying part. And he's super weird because he likes to be picked up by the base of his tail - and my mom and dad would never do anything mean so he truly likes it and he gets dingle berries stuck to his foofy butt which my mom hates and I like.
And another thing - he hasn't had balls since he was 8 weeks old so he screams like a girl - a total girl - like a castrato, one of those Spanish opera singers (my mom just told me about that one, good dig, mom!) I had my balls since last summer so I am totally testosteroned out and big and tough and guyish.
And Duncan is always jumping on things where he doesn't belong like on the kitchen bar where my mom and dad eat and he likes to sit on my mom's art deco lamps which really makes her mad because she has been collecting them for a long time and if he knocks them over she will freak out.
And the worst thing about Duncan - he loves to eat human boogers! My mom won't let me tell you how that discovery was made, but it's waaaaaaaaaaay gross so you can't ever pick your nose around Duncan!
And for the record, I don't dress in drag, it's just that I am a really hard sleeper and Duncan thinks he lives in a frat house so he dressed me up and tried to make me pee by putting my foot in a bowl of warm water but it didn't work because I am way too cool for a trick like that. That flowered harness was Meg's and I guess I do have to wear it twice a week when my grandma comes over to let me out because it's scary when she reaches for my head to get my collar because only my mom and dad can reach for my head because people used to be really mean to my head before. But I think of the flowered harness as more of a Hawaiian shirt which guys can wear and really it just exhibits my metrosexuality because I am very advanced.

And this is a non-Photoshopped picture of me looking very handsome.

17 comments:

Ruby Bleu said...

Well Ike, that explains a lot about Ducan. The boogers thing is totally gross...yuck.

I think it is great that you are so comfortable with your manliness...I think you would look wonderful in anything you wear.

Lots of Licks, Ruby

PS - I thought you'd be really happy to read about my friend Lucy's new brother. I promise to post pictures as soon as we meet him.

Maggie said...

You're sure a hot ticket Ike! You must keep the hoomans on their toes!

Love ya lots,
Maggie

Suki said...

We all know you're handsome, even without photoshop, Ike :)

Puggy kisses
Suki

Seadra & Zoe said...

Hello Ike. Let me introduce myself. My name is Seadra and I also am a Boston Terrier. My Mom has recently discovered that dogs like you have blogs which gave her the idea that we should have our own blog too. We especially enjoy visiting your blog and reading about all you happenings. You are one "handsome" dog.

Stop by our blog for a visit.

Your new Friend, Seadra
& Zoe too.

PiratesGrrl said...

Oh Ike, you're one of the most fierce and handsome dogs we know. Do the humans kiss Duncan after he eats their boogers? Just wondering.

The Brat Pack

Balboa said...

I think Duncan is just jealous of your good looks, great sense of style, and your numerous friends.

Keep Rockin'
Frenchie Kisses,
Balboa

wally said...

Man--I didn't know you have such a rough life with your mean sibling, Ike. And you're totally handsome without photoshop but it disappoints me a bit that you don't wear that fetching outfit ALL the time.

wally.

ps. I don't let anyone touch my head but my peeps and the vet. I should get a flowery harness.

Tadpole said...

Well I thought Duncan sounded pretty cool, so I'm glad you set the record straight! The licking IS annoying. My sister sometimes likes my arm pits. HA HA HA! She'd be so embarrassed that I told you that! Ha!

Tadpole said...

LICKS my arm pits, that is. evidently she likes them too. :-)

Buster the Wired Fox Terror said...

Hey pawsome bandana!

Bussie Kissies
Buster

Joe Stains said...

you are SUPER handsome and super tough. I have a bandana with flowers on it, so don't feel too bad! whats a dingleberry?

oh mom said its gross, nevermind :)

Huskee Boy said...

ROFL.. I am really curious to know how your mom found out that Duncan likes human boogers.. Let the cat out of the bag quick!

Huskee Boy said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Sophie Brador said...

Oh Ike, I have never questioned your manly man-ness ever! And you are the most "tres advancez," metrosexual manly man ever!

Peanut said...

Oh boogers gross. Duncan does sound like quite a weird cat. Glad you put up with him as much as you do.

Nanook The Newfoundland said...

*laughing* Awww...don't be mad at your brother.

Also, I AM GETTING ONE!!!

Cubby said...

Whoa, manly pirate scarf alert.

mmmmm...dingleberries!